“If you can laugh in the face of adversity, you’re bullet-proof.”
“Mondays are fine. It’s your life that sucks”
“You won’t burn in hell. But be nice anyway.”
“Opinions don’t affect facts. But facts should affect opinions, and do if you’re rational”
“Life is just a series of peaks and troughs. And you don’t know whether you’re in a trough until you’re climbing out, or on a peak until you’re coming down.”
“If you try to please everyone you’ll please no one.”
“Never confuse your right to say what you believe with a right to never be disagreed with and ridiculed for saying what you believe.”
“Be happy. It really annoys negative people.”
“Beliefs do not change facts. Facts, if one is rational, should change beliefs.”
“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth… Then he said, “Let there be light.” Which means he made the entire universe in the dark!”
“Just because you’re offended, doesn’t mean you’re right.”
“Some of you are really smart. You know who you are. Some of you are really thick. Unfortunately, you don’t know who you are.”
“If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.”
“People confuse the subject of the joke with the target of the joke, and they’re very rarely the same.”
“Being on the edge isn’t as safe, but the view is better.”
“Remember, when someone says ‘you’ve changed,’ it usually just means you’ve stopped living your life their way.”
